The really solid thing that this essay does is offer lots of sentence variety. If you remember back once again to the bonus materials, there is a sentence variety chart that I gave you that I said you could use to form of chart your sentence variety, the things I’ve done in the bonus materials with this essay is chart the sentence number of one of several body paragraphs. And you can see by looking at the numerous kinds and the different lengths of sentences that this really has a great flow, there’s a lot of variety there. Additionally an advance is used by this essay vocabulary but it’s not only advanced, it really is used appropriately. So here the example is, ‘Free tutoring does not aim in the centre for the problems schools that are facing a wider variety of classes does by livening interest in school up until graduation.’ So we’ve just seen an advance sentence structure and an advance usage of vocabulary very strong commendable language. These are typical the reason why why this essay earned an 11 that is where you wish to ideally be scoring ten to 12 on the ACT writing.
Now let’s take a look at sample essay number two.
Go right ahead and go to the bonus materials and print it out. Again i will focus on reading the first paragraph but it surely would be important you to follow along for you to have a hard copy on front of. Alright, this one starts with ‘a problem that is major many high schools face is students neglecting to graduate, or dropping out before they have the opportunity. High schools over the nation have attempted countless programs that are different processes to attempt to combat student’s failure, some proving more lucrative than others. A aspire to learn and stay at school, something that not merely getting help can do. I think, offering a wider variety of class options would do a more satisfactory job of promoting success than merely offering free tutoring because ‘interest’ promotes’ and this one starts out very similar to essay number 1 but if you noticed this 1 only scored a seven. So it’s still when you look at the half that is top a far cry through the 11 that the first essay scored. Here we have again a very strong position and understanding of the task. This writer says ‘offering a wider number of class options would do a better job of promoting student success and merely offering tutoring that is free the attention promotes the desire to learn and stay at school.’ Therefore we’ve got a situation, we have reason, further more we have the development of a counter argument. But you can already infer even for those who haven’t read the essay using this that this writer must not do a good job of incorporating and powering up on that counter argument otherwise they would have scored a lot higher on the essay. So solid ‘task and position’ why don’t we see where it falls a bit that is little.
‘Complexity and development’ alright this writer says, ‘my school that is high really many students by providing peer tutors because learning from peers is more appealing than being re-taught by adults. ‘tutoring helps many who can be too frustrated I notice when I read this is the wording is a little bit confusing here and I’m not really sure what this is supposing because, honestly it’s making tutoring sound like a really good thing that they cannot understand their classes and want to drop out.’ Now the first thing. The career statement told me that this essay would definitely be arguing for a wider number of classes. And this might be an attempted counter argument, but where it falls short is it does not completely dismiss the counter claim, the reader is left by it wondering but what is this person proving. To ensure that’s the first place that falls short in complexity and development. The essay also says, ‘Offering many courses means that students will still learn, yet have a blast and become less stressed.’ Now this is certainly within the second body paragraph and also this may be the first time that the writer has introduced this concept of ‘having fun and becoming less stressed’ and it is really unclear where that links in to the position that ‘a wider variance of classes is much better for learning.’ It focused and supportive.
Finally in organization this essay is organized simply but effectively it really is style of predictable but that’s why it scores a seven and not very up high on the scale that is at the 11. This essay says ‘In addition to more classes, having parents and teachers who worry about students’ success, offering extra-curricular programs to boost an active connection with the school, having assemblies and events to market school spirit and several other factors are typical important in promoting success.’ Now they are really ideas that are great definitely on topic, but one might expect to see these ideas introduced in the introduction and then followed through to into the essay. However once you know where this paragraph comes from may be the conclusion and that’s one of several big no, no’s for that basic organization. You do not introduce new ideas in the conclusion because all it can is serve to confuse the reader. They aren’t anything that you have mentioned and none of your support relates to it. Which means this is why this essay’s score is a little bit lower in organization.
‘Sentence structure and grammar.’ Alright this essay says, ‘Something that not merely getting help can do.’ This can be among the lines that really stuck off to me in fact it is part of the position statement which is those types of sentences that readers are really focused in on, when you’re given your thesis or your position, they want it to be clear. And this wording is really types of confusing, I’m not sure what things are talking about, what the something is and it is just a little bit awkward. So again we’ve got style of this awkward usage of language which will keep this essay down in that range that is mid than shooting it as much as the higher range that shows a command for the language.
Alright the handful of pitfalls that this essay come across that people already have talked about and you wish to make sure you avoid. This essay makes ‘hasty generalizations’ the relative line, ‘only students with a desire to enhance can benefit from such a program.’ That is a big jump. So that’s saying basically if they don’t whole heartedly want to be there they’re going to flat out fail if I give tutoring to everybody. And I think that’s a leap that is really big flaw and logic. In addition gets a bit that is little, ‘The most crucial, though, is a student’s need to learn also to succeed;’ it simply continues on and on about that. And finally we talked about any of it ‘basic organization’ not merely do we now have variety of candid transitions like ‘in addition’ to and ‘furthermore’ but we talked in regards to the introduction of new ideas within the conclusion which really throws the reader for a whip. So coming back to wrap it all within the seven indicators that your readers will be interested in can be your ‘understanding of the duty,’ the ‘position’ you take, the ‘complexity’ with that you discuss the presssing issue, the ‘development’ or support you provide, the way you organized your ideas after which the way you deliver it along with your ‘sentence and word choice’ as well as your ‘grammar.’
In this episode we’ve taken write my essay for me a glance at two essays, both were solid they scored into the top half but clearly we see why essay one scored an 11 while essay two scored a seven.